HEY WUSS, THIS REVIEW AIN’T FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. I HOPE YOU LIKE IN YOUR FACE ATTITUDE BECAUSE I HAVE 7000 CC’S OF IT COMING TO YOUR FACE.
* GRITS ALL 5000 TEETH AND FURROWS BROW TO THE POINT OF CRAPPING HIMSELF *
HEY DO YOU REMEMBER THE 9-9-9-9-9-9-90’S? THE 90’S WERE AN INTENSE TIME. GRIM. GRITTY. EXTREEEEEEEEEME! THE NEW MUTANTS WAS A REVERED TITLE IN THE 1980’S. IT WAS THE NEXT GENERATION OF X-MEN, BUT IT STARTED TO RUN ITS COURSE. IT NEEDED A KICK IN THE ASS! ENTER FABIAN NICIEZA AND ROB LIEFELD. THEY SAW THESE WEENY KIDS AND DECIDED TO TOUGHEN UP THESE SNOWFLAKES, SO THEY REBRANDED IT AS X-FORCE. X-FORCE INCLUDED SUCH BAD ASSES LIKE: CABLE, (Cyclops son from the future who has giant guns and 48 different accessory pouches) DOMINO (Girl Longshot with guns and 14 accessory pouches), FERAL (It’s Wolfsbane but with more angst), AND THE ENIGMATIC WARRIOR: SHATTERSTAR.
* WHIPS OUT TWO 4 FOOT RIFLES AND SHOOTS HIS WAY INTO A BADASS SEGUE *
SHATTERSTAR WAS A WALKING MYSTERY FOR A LONG TIME. ALL THAT WAS KNOWN WAS THAT HE CAME FROM MOJOVERSE, WHICH IS SOMEHOW DIFFERENT FROM MOJOWORLD. HE WAS GENETICALLY ENGINEERED TO BE A WARRIOR FOR ONE OF MOJO’S TV SHOWS, BUT INSTEAD HE WAS ACTUALLY LONGSHOT (because God forbid we can’t have a Mojo story without his mullet having ass showing up) AND DAZZLER’S CHILD. HIS FUTURE SELF ACTUALLY IMPLANTED FAKE MEMORIES INTO HIS PARENTS, AND THE ONLY WAY EVERYONE REMEMBERED WAS WHEN HE COMBINED HIS CONSCIOUSNESS WITH SOME GUY IN A COMA NAMED BENJAMIN. ANYBODY WHO SAYS THAT THE CLONE SAGA WAS CONFUSING AIN’T GOT SHIT ON SHATTERSTAR.
RAAAAAGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!
THIS VERSION OF SHATTERSTAR IS BASED ON HIS MOST MEMORABLE AND ULTRA BADASS FIRST APPEARANCE. HE COMES WITH TWO SWORDS. BUT A SWORD OR TWO ISN’T ENOUGH, HOW WOULD YOU MAKE THAT MORE RADICAL? TAKE THOSE SWORDS, MAKE THEM FIVE FEET LONG, ADD SPIKED KNUCKLES TO THEM, AND THEN PUT AN EXTRA BLADE ON ONE OF THE HILTS SO HE HAS A TWO-BLADED SWORD. IT SOUNDS CONFUSING, BUT ONE THING I ALWAYS LOVED ABOUT 90’S WAS THE SHEER EXCESS OF EVERYTHING. HASBRO WENT THE EXTRA MILE WITH THE SEVEN POUCHES ON HIS WAIST, THE LEG BELT THAT LOOKED NON-PRAGMATIC, HIS SEINFELD PUFFY PIRATE SHIRT, GIANT GLOVES THAT HIDE HIS WRISTS, AND HIS WEIRD ‘JNCO’S OF THE HEADGEAR FAMILY THAT NEVER MADE SENSE, BUT EVERYONE SEEMED TO WEAR A VERSION OF IT (GAMBIT, SCARLET WITCH, ANGEL, HAVOK, JEAN GREY).
ROB LIEFELD ALWAYS SEEMS TO GET CRAPPED ON FOR HIS ART, BUT HE CREATED MEMORABLE TROPES AND CHARACTERS THAT HAVE A LASTING IMPRESSION. CABLE, DOMINO, STRYFE, AND DEADPOOL ARE STILL RUNNING AROUND TODAY. THINK ABOUT THE OTHER ARTISTS OF HIS TIME TRY TO THINK OF MULTIPLE MARVEL CHARACTERS THAT CAME FROM THEM. ALL I CAN THINK OF IS VENOM FROM MCFARLANE AND JIM LEE’S RAJUN CAJUN HIMSELF: GUMBO. ADMIRABLE BUT THAT’S ONE CHARACTER A PIECE. REAL TALK: ROB IS THE MAN.
OH BY THE WAY, HIS BAF FIGURE PIECE IS THE RIGHT ARM FOR LOSER AND ALL AROUND DORK DOUG RAMSEY’S BUDDY: WARLOCK.
SO IF YOU’RE IN THE MOOD TO KICK SOME ASS AND SPICE UP THE OL’ TOY COLLECTION SLAM A MOUNTAIN DEW, PUT SOME LIMP BIZKIT IN YOUR BOOM BOX, AND WALTZ INTO THE LOCAL STORE (Target) AND PICK UP SHATTERSTAR TODAY.
FINAL RATING: THE 1994 WINTER X GAMES, 13 POUCHES, 76 MACHINE SCREWS IN GUNS, 3 UNNECESSARY SUITS OF POWER ARMOR, AND A WHOLE LOT OF ‘TUDE.
SHOP MARVEL LEGENDS ON AMAZON!
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Great review. To the MAX, personally I love the 90’s and all it’s excess, I pretty much dropped comics as the 2000’s rolled through. What their decade saw comic writers look at a motorcycle riding stunt man In leather with a flaming skull and say that wasn’t extreme enough, so let’s give him a replacement with spikes, and exposed ribs, chains and more flamey (Vengeance). Ben Reilly is still my favorite Spiderman costume for goodness sake. I loved Images TMNT series (I’m a huge Turtles guy), way better than what Mirage was producing immediately before and after. Comics were fun then, they were over the top but great escapes. Grounding stories, weekly big events, political voiceboxes…that’s when comics quit being fun, I’d read The Clone Saga again before I’d look at another Civl War.
Anything would be better than another forced Civil War to tie in with the movies.