I’m going to say something controversial:
I liked Alien Covenant.
Probably my third favorite in the franchise, and it’s leaps and bounds better than Alien 3 with its bad CGI and boring tension after the Dog Alien kills Clemens. Sure it had a bunch of goofy plot holes like Prometheus, but I just held my suspension of disbelief. I’m also a sucker for the cliche of robots realizing what the point of life is while I’m fighting off nihilism. Hey, it’s loads better than Charles S. Dutton babbling about bible metaphors for two hours. Now if it was Charles S. Dutton reprising his sitcom character Roc, then I may change my tune.
I remember getting excited when the first movie poster came out with the release date of May 19th. Or maybe I was getting flashbacks of excitement to WWE’s Kane debuting his greatest gimmick of all time: yelling “MAY 19TH” for months because his movie ‘See No Evil’ was hitting theaters. Oh right the toys, anyway with the movie date being announced I saw NECA’s twitter get a little uppity and passive aggressive. Turns out the release date was pushed up, hence why the figures were released months after the movie came and went from theaters. As is tradition, I’d like to do a super late rundown of the figures that came from this movie.
This set was the second offering from NECA’s Alien Club, yet subscribers actually received it before the first wave that was for sale. It’s their first time at this type of business model so I’m willing to let it slide in order to work out the kinks. This wave consisted of an accessory pack, a Xenomorph, and the brand new Neomorph.
The big (or should I say tiny?) surprise for me in recent years has to be the Neomorph. He may be my new favorite spin from the traditional non-Kenner Alien. It is everything the Newborn Xenomorph from Alien Resurrection wishes it was, only without any of the eye rolling. The Neomorph is drastically smaller than any other movie Xenomorph so far, but still retains the body type of the Alien family. The bleached white skin, upon initial look, seems kind of lazy, but after examining it you can see the very subtle fleshy and sickly undertones NECA gave it. The Neomorph has erratic soft spines all over his back, unlike the movie version, but that’s because NECA had a rough cut of the design. Apparently, the original cut before effects had an actual person in costume, but then Ridley Scott CGI’d over it and made some changes to the creature. The accessories it comes with are the tinier version of itself that has been dubbed the back-burster and a separate and more superior head with a butthole-esque mouth. Not really shocking since every type of Xenomorph is essentially a pile of walking sex organs trying to murder you.
Shaquille O’Xenomorph: EVER SEE AN ALIEN CRUSH A 720 DEGREE CHAOS DUNK DURING THE NBA DUNK CONTEST? This version of the Xenomorph is quite the upgrade over the traditional Big Chap/Isolation-type of smooth domed Xenomorphs we are accustomed to seeing. Because if you didn’t get my dumb joke, HE IS 67 FEET TALL. It’s skin itself has a very leathery and sinew look which makes it a lot more flesh-like than previous Xenomorph releases.
Creature Pack: The pack comes with the following: two eggs, one open and one closed, two facehuggers, a bigger version of the back-burster, and the redesigned and much maligned chestburster. If you already bought previous alien eggs or creature packs there is no reason to really go after these. The chestburster/mini-Xenomorph is way too small to stand up, and is super weak to the point that I’m afraid to look at it wrong and break its limbs. The back-burster is cool, but I’d just stick to the one that’s packaged with the Neomorph. The only thing here that I can recommend is the eggs and facehuggers. The eggs have a nice gray and purple hue to them, and the facehuggers are bigger and more colorful than the norm. Be aware that the eggs are a completely different size from previous offerings, so they will stick out like sore thumbs.
Sadly these are the only Alien Covenant figures we will get for the foreseeable future. No Daniels, Oram, Tennessee, Walter, or another David. NECA has hinted at how they weren’t big fans of the film. So there goes my hopes of seeing any Danny McBride figures, and dream Eastbound and Down custom figures anytime soon.
FINAL RATINGS UNDER THE BATMAN SCALE:
Neomorph: Adam West
Xenomorph: Michael Keaton
Creature Pack: George Clooney
Interpret these as you will.
The Alien Covenant figures are available to purchase on Amazon. Sadly, there are no Danny McBride figures on Amazon, sometimes the world isn’t fair.
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