Mattel WWE Elite Network Spotlight The Ringmaster Steve Austin Review

Review Advent Calendar Day 13: Mattel WWE Elite Network Spotlight The Ringmaster Steve Austin

Instead of being a rational human being and ordering the new NECA Predators online, I have become a crazy person and braved several local Toys ‘R’ Us stores in my area. Maybe it’s just that artificial thrill of the hunt of finding stuff in the proverbial wild? In my travels while watching and dodging grown adults get into fist fights over Hatchimals (shit, maybe me and Jon should’ve just reviewed those instead? Lotta clicks!), I ducked down into the adjacent WWE aisle while the cartoonish fiasco kept going. It was close to being picked clean but one thing caught my eye. No, not that pile of J&J security 2-packs! The Ringmaster! So getting caught up in the fever of irrational toy buying I picked him up.

Preternia’s Review Advent Calendar 2016 Day Thirteen:
Mattel WWE Elite ‘Network Spotlight’ The Ringmaster Steve Austin
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Who is The Ringmaster? (Juggalos if you googled this looking for the second ICP album then I apologize for leading you astray but you guys like wrestling so stick around for a sec) He was none other than Stone Cold Steve Austin’s first WWE persona — hold on there’s a knock at the door, give me a sec to just see who it is —

“HEH HOOOO!!! HELLO DAVE, IT’S ME STEVE AUSTIN HOST OF THE STEVE AUSTIN SHOW ONLY ON PODCAST ONE! IT’S THE ONLY WRESTLING PODCAST WHERE I GET ASKED THE SAME SIX QUESTIONS OVER AND OVER BY MY FANS WHO STILL SEEM TO THINK A COMEBACK IS POSSIBLE WHILE I’M BEING HELD TOGETHER WITH SCOTCH TAPE AND SHEET METAL SCREWS. WAIT, WHAT’S THIS GIMMICK WE GOT HERE? OH THE RINGMASTER? DID YOU KNOW THAT WE SETTLED ON THAT NAME OVER OTHERS LIKE ‘OTTO VON RUTHLESS’ , ‘FANG MCFROST’, OR CHILLY MCFREEZE’????”

You’ve been known to bring it up three or four times a show, Steve.

Oh hey, The Ringmaster even comes with the Million Dollar Championship belt. Which is honestly the only reason I even considered buying this figure when I saw it. When the company actually runs with a gimmick belt it piques my interest. I don’t know if this is an issue with all of Mattel’s belts but they are stiff as a board. It’s impossible to have it drape over the figure’s shoulder without making it look like it was over starched at the dry cleaners. Doing some research it appears all these WWE elite figures have the same mold. Like Jon said with his AJ Styles review, this is problematic because you can’t really do many poses with these figures even if they are much more articulated than the basic line. It’s impossible to even make a wrestling pin pose while hooking the leg without it looking like a goofy submission.

“I WAS TALKING TO TEDDY FOWLER, MY OLD BUDDY DOWN AT THE BROKEN SKULL RANCH AND WE WERE TALKING ABOUT GOOD, CLEAN, PINNING TECHNIQUE. IT’S KIND OF LIKE WHEN YOU’RE STUCK IN TRAFFIC ON THE 405 WITH HERSHEY THE WONDERDOG ON YOUR WAY TO THE TRADER JOE’S IN BURBANK BUT THE DAMN PARKING LOT IS TOO SMALL BUT YOU GOTTA MAKE IT WORK. HEH HOOOOOOOO!”

Steve, that doesn’t even make sense. What also doesn’t make sense is this head sculpt, it looks like Dan Akroyd ate Kane’s head and called it a day. If you were to give me this figure without informing me of who it was, I would sooner believe it to be a bad WCW Macho Man gimmick over Steve Austin. Not only is the face sculpt off, but he has no memorable ring gear. Just dark green trunks, white boots with a star on them, and three out of four pads. This is another huge problem. Those knee pads are actual pieces of separate plastic that restrict his already crappy movement even more. This seems to be a common thing for the Elite line, however, so if you’re used to that then this is nothing new.

“MAYBE IT SHOULD COME WITH SOME SIERRA NEVADA IPA’S. CAN’T HAVE TOO MANY THOUGH OL STEVE IS PUTTING ON A GUT AND HE’S GOT TO LOSE WEIGHT BEFORE NEXT SEASON OF THE BROKEN SKULL CHALLENGE, NOW EXCUSE ME I HAVE TO GO ANSWER SOME QUESTIONS FROM FANS BUT I’M GONNA HAVE MY WIFE ASK THEM OFF MIC AND 500 FEET AWAY. BECAUSE THAT’S THE BOTTOM LINE”

While I appreciate Mattel going for a deep cut in the archives for wrestling fans I’m going to have to say pass. Hard pass! (But if you REALLY want to buy him I’d suggest Amazon) It doesn’t look like Austin and the only reason you would buy this is for the Million Dollar Championship. This may have been a better sell if this was a two-pack with Ted Dibiase, Virgil, or I.R.S.’s briefcase and suspenders.

Final Verdict: NAUGHTY!things-to-do-between-christmas-and-new-year-s-what-s-up-amsterdam-4owu6g-clipart

Nice listAT-AT Driver, Inferno, TMNT WWE Ninja Superstars, Shocker, Ms. Marvel, Jackal, Ultimate Scarface Predator, Green Goblin
Naughty listSymbiote Spider-Man, The Ventriloquist and Scarface, AJ Styles, All New, All Different Spider-Man 2099, The Ringmaster Steve Austin

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David Boyce

David Boyce has a YouTube channel where he infrequently makes bad decisions with food and or music. He also has a podcast called The Clouded Judgement” Podcast where they look back to see if things in pop culture actually hold up.
David Boyce

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